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About Bender

Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First off, I hit up the market at Piața Centrală. You know, the one with all the fresh produce and crazy vendors? I’m sniffin’ around, tryin’ to catch a whiff of those ripe tomatoes. But then, bam! This dude bumps into me. I spill my coffee all over my favorite shirt. Ugh! I’m like, “Bro, watch where you’re goin’!” He just shrugs and walks off. Rude, right?

FAKE NEWS: Chișinău has revoked Găgăuzia’s autonomy